Collar & Key
Free printable · 18+

30 D/s check-in questions

A check-in is the regular, out-of-role conversation that keeps a dynamic honest. These are the questions Collar & Key asks: its full core set, plus a sample from each of its themed decks.

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The questions

Pick a handful, not all of them

These are the questions Collar & Key uses for D/s check-ins. The first fifteen are the app's core set; the rest are samples from its themed decks. Answer on your own first, then compare, starting with the places you differ. A check-in is out of role: honest answers never earn a consequence. A weekly check-in might use five or six; a monthly review might use more.

Core questions

The everyday set every check-in in the app draws from.

  1. Sum up the time since your last check-in in one word or phrase.
  2. How close did you feel to your partner? 1 to 5, distant to very close
  3. How satisfied are you with the dynamic right now? 1 to 5, not at all to very
  4. How well did you communicate with each other? 1 to 5, poorly to very well
  5. How closely did protocol get followed? Not at all, loosely, mostly, fully
  6. What was the best moment of the dynamic recently?
  7. What is one thing you would like to improve?
  8. How well are your needs currently being met? 1 to 5, not met to fully met
  9. How much energy have you had for the dynamic? 1 to 5, very little to a lot
  10. For the Dominant: how confident do you feel leading right now? 1 to 5
  11. For the submissive: how much do you trust your Dom right now? 1 to 5
  12. Is there something new you would like to try together?
  13. How much has stress outside the dynamic affected you? 1 to 5, not at all to a great deal
  14. Is there anything you have been holding back from saying?
  15. What are you looking forward to before the next check-in?

Power exchange health

A sample from the deck on balance, trust and burnout.

  1. How balanced does your power exchange feel right now? 1 to 5
  2. How safe do you feel bringing up something that's bothering you? 1 to 5
  3. Any resentment building up that hasn't been said out loud?

Rules and protocol

A sample from the deck on what's working, what to change and what to drop.

  1. A recent ritual: keep it, change it, or drop it?
  2. How clear do you feel on what's expected of you? 1 to 5
  3. How fair did any recent discipline feel? 1 to 5

Aftercare

A sample from the deck on needs and wind-down after play or a hard day.

  1. Have you noticed a drop after play or a hard day recently?
  2. One thing that actually helps you come down afterward.
  3. Words or reassurance you'd like to hear more of afterward.

Play review

A sample from the deck on how recent scenes went.

  1. How well did the intensity match what you wanted? 1 to 5
  2. Was there anything you wanted to try but didn't bring up?

Desires and fantasies

A sample from the deck on wants, curiosities and pacing.

  1. How is the pace of exploring new things together? 1 to 5
  2. Do any of your current limits feel worth revisiting?

Service

A sample from the deck on acts of service and appreciation.

  1. How appreciated do you feel for what you do? 1 to 5
  2. How balanced does service feel between what you give and what you get back? 1 to 5

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Ground rules

What makes a check-in work

Out of role

Both of you speak as equals. Nothing said in a check-in is a rule break, and an honest answer never earns a consequence.

Answer separately

Write your answers before you hear your partner's. Otherwise the second person tends to agree with the first.

Start with the gaps

Where you both answered the same way, a nod is enough. Spend the time where your answers differ.

Leave with decisions

Every change you agree on gets an owner and a date, and comes back at the next check-in to be marked done or let go.

The full method is in How to run a D/s check-in.

Paper or app

What each one does

The worksheet works if you set the time aside and keep the sheets. The app is for keeping the habit going, week after week, without either of you having to be the one who remembers.

Privacy
On paperNothing online, no account.
In Collar & KeyAn account for each of you, with answers handled as sensitive data.
When
On paperWhenever you set aside the time.
In Collar & KeyWeekly, fortnightly or monthly, on the calendar at a time that suits you both.
Answering
On paperWrite separately, then swap sheets.
In Collar & KeyEach of you answers on your own phone, and neither sees the other's answers until you've both finished.
Comparing
On paperRead both sheets together.
In Collar & KeyAnswers side by side, starting with the questions where you differ.
Decisions
On paperThe decisions box on the last page.
In Collar & KeyEach decision gets an owner and a date, and comes back at the next check-in to be marked done or let go.
Questions
On paperThe ones on this sheet, every time.
In Collar & KeyThe core questions free, rotated so they stay fresh, plus full themed decks and questions of your own with CK Premium.

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Check-ins that actually happen.

Collar & Key puts your check-in on the calendar, weekly, fortnightly or monthly. You each answer the same questions on your own, then see your answers side by side, starting with where you differ. Decisions get an owner and a date, and come back next time. The core questions are free; CK Premium adds the full themed decks and questions of your own.

Get the app See what it does

Free to start on iPhone, Android and the web. Adults 18+ only.

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